My Song

I'm sure I'm not the only one who hears a song and then it becomes YOUR song, a song that you can relate to - Well this one is MY SONG A THE MOMENT.

The X-factor is a reality show very much like the show American Idol...Simon Cowell is also the creator and a judge on this show like he is on Idols.

I watched the year that Leona Lewis won the show and have enjoyed watching her go from a girl next door to an international sensation...

I think she's brilliant...have every CD she has recorded and am looking forward to her new one with this song Happy on it.

The video clip is Leona on the result show last night where she sang MY song.

Do you have a song you hear that you can relate to and if what is it??
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Sunday's Thoughts

Today I weighted the lowest I've weighted in 15 years...

Do you know what a good feeling this is??

If you don't then I have to share it with you quickly..

FANTASTIC!!!! ;)

This morning Heinz and I went to gym...Sunday is the day I run on the treadmill for an hour..some Sundays I try get to 10kl as fast as I can, and other Sundays I just want to run at my comfortable pace for an hour...that's what I did today...my comfortable pace for an hour and ran 9kl...

After a shower and chicken salad for lunch, Heinz suggest we take a drive to the Ski resort about 40kl away for a coffee...I was in...anything to get out of the house on a Sunday. We got to the ski resort which looked very different to me this time as when we usually go it's a white magical world filled with snow, today there were only green fields...but wow, was icy cold..a lot colder up there compared to where we live in Germany.

Once we finished walking around looking at all the gift shops we went to the hotel for coffee and cake!! Yes - cake...

I asked Heinz to please share a slice of cake with me...he wanted chocolate cake and I wanted cheese cake, so I had to order a whole slice of cheese cake for myself. When the cake arrived, the first thing I did was cut it in half, ask the waitress to put the other half in a bag for me to take home...which I've done, it's now sitting very nicely in my fridge waiting to be eaten, but not today... tomorrow!

So instead of 12 points that the cheese cake would have taken out of my daily point allowance the cake has bitten 6 points into my day...tomorrow is my official weigh in day, I don't want to see a gain...

Not eating all of the cheese cake shows me I'm getting it right...that I'm going to win the battle of the bulge this time and never gain the weight back - I have the answers like I said in my other blog entry this week...

I feel empowered knowing I'm in control now.

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Eating Out & Planning

What a difference a year makes..

The top photo is of my grandson *Surfer Dube* taken a year ago

And the bottom one taken a month ago...

Who would have ever known a year ago he'd have ALL these curls.

I LOVE THEM OF COURSE!

A quick update...

Have been out all day and this evening we meeting two other couples for dinner...

This has been my preparation for eating out this evening...

I have 12 bonus points available from working out this week ( we only allowed to save 12 )

Today I've been very careful with my breakfast and lunch, have not snacked besides my two fruits.

I go to dinner with 10 of my 20 available points and the 12 bonus points- of course I'll be making good choices for my meal, I'm not seeing this as time to overeat or overeat on the wrong foods.

When at Subway's this afternoon, hubby wanted to know if I wanted to eat something, I said no, only coffee as I'm saving my points for dinner. He honestly thinks I'm nuts, and I'm sure anyone else who has never struggled with their weight, lost it and now fears gaining it all back will actually understand where I am at the moment.

I know how quickly I can gain the weight back..in a flash its possible - for me this is how I'm going to tackle my future when it comes to foods...I have to plan ahead and always be aware and make the best choice with what's available to me.

I want this to be a life long lifestyle change and not a temporary one.

Hope you all having a great weekend...

My thoughts are with my family today, my little niece turned 3 - she's having her birthday party this afternoon. My grandchildren have been invited...I've told my mom she has to keep speaking to them about their Nana, she has to let them know their Nana misses them and loves them very much...I hope she remembered!!!

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I Can Run

Christmas 2008 this photo was taken, I cant believe it's nearly a year ago - I had decided I wanted to teach myself how to run, after hating it for all my life. I looked through all the books about running on amazon, I found this one for women over 40... I was way over 40, heading towards my 50's.( such a scary thought )When Heinz asked what I wanted for Christmas I told hubby that this book was ONE of the gifts I wanted. He couldn't understand why a book on running as I had never shown any interest in running since we met.

My weight at Christmas was 78kg's..( 178lbs ) at this stage I had managed to drop 4kg's (8.8lbs) with watching what I was eating, a few crash diets,( which I don't recommend ) and going to gym.

I read the book, put it next to my bed and there it lay for another 2 months before I picked it up again...In February I found the * Beginner's guide to becoming a 30 minute runner * and started thinking about adding running to my walking on the treadmill...As a dancer I have hated running for as long as I can remember...the only one 5kl fun run I ever took part in as an instructor,( to impress a guy ), I found so tough and struggled to get through it...it was a nightmare which only made me hate it even more. I told myself that my body was not designed to run...I was a dancer, and dancers don't run!!

I remember the excitement when I managed one minute of running...and 4 mins of walking in between...I puffed and panted till the next time and tried again...my first whole 5 minute run...then the 10 minute one...oh my word, I ran for 30 minutes without stopping, do you know what a victory that was for me...at the age of 47 I was running, I could run...and I was enjoying it...The furthest I've run to date is 14kl...ran it in over an hour and I never stopped once!!

No big deal for many out there, but if you knew me and knew the state I found my body in when I started - you too would be doing the victory dance with me...

I love running now, I can't wait to get to gym ( during the cold days ) and hit the treadmill and run...music pumping in my ears motivating me along the way...the sweat that pours off me, such a good feeling...after a run I feel alive and ready to start my day...

IF I CAN RUN THEN ANYONE CAN RUN...

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I Found My Answer

I loved last summer..

It was the first summer in about 6 years where I could wear summer clothing that showed off my arms, legs and chest area and not worry about how uncomfortable I felt having my body so exposed.

Heinz tried to get me moving by buying me a bike, getting me to ride with him after work during the week and weekends...I hated cycling...okay, once or twice I enjoyed it,but on the whole I'm not a cyclist, I'm far too nervous and fearful about falling off.

Now saying this...can you believe I'm a trained Spinning Instructor!! I was trained by Johnny G the inventor of spinning when he came to South Africa to introduce this new gym class to us all. Give me a stationary bike any day!!!
I've never been a closet, or a late night eater, or someone with very extreme bad eating habits. I've never eaten lots of take aways, ( once a week at the most )I've never kept biscuits, sweets etc in my house, I might have 2 glasses of wine in a whole week - so why did I gain so much weight...I needed to know the answer to these questions, if I don't know the answers how am I going to make sure I never go there again in the future.

Now with the weight being off, what have the changes been for me?...

My portion sizes are smaller. Is the first thing that comes to mind.

For example I used to fill my breakfast bowl with cereal - right to the top and fill it with yogurt from a big tub...

Now, I weight 30 g of breakfast cereal and have it with 125g yogurt.

Lunch has always been a sandwich...

My choice of bread has changed...no more white bread...no butter...otherwise still the same..

2 slices of wholewheat bread with 2 WW chicken slices - lettuce, tomato,cucumber and a little drop of balsamic dressing.

My snacks are now fruit, rice cake or quark (only found in Germany ) In the past my snacks were nuts - and once i started I could not stop...so now don't eat nuts.

Dinner has always been chicken, Salmon, Tuna or Turkey as I don't eat read meat - We always had salad with our dinner, and this has continued and at dinner time I make two vegetable's...no white sauce or anything fattening on top. Have never fried my foods, never made chips in oil...always grilled my meat and boiled potato's.

So the problem lay, where????

When we had barbeque's I'd over eat on the puddings, chips, nuts, ice creams - but we didn't barbecue that often for it to make such a big difference to my weight...makes no sense to me...* hmmmmmmmmmm...*

I have the answer....found it while looking into this area of my life.

The difference has been smaller portions and EXERCISE

I never trained regularly when I moved to Germany, I'd train for a whole two weeks then stop, I'd train a few days, then stop, that's how it went for me...since starting this journey I have trained 6x a week...and will cycle indoors at home if I know I'm unable to get to gym that day due to something that comes up - I'll get up an hour earlier and do my daily workout then start my day...I know for me - exercise is what got the weight off with controlling my portion sizes and making better choices, this combination is the answer for me.

I go to tea party's and still eat cake, now I make sure I have only a quarter of the slice that's been cut, a slice that I would usually eat...I don't ever feel deprived...I look at the foods and then make my choices..if there are 4 bad foods I like, I will only have two of them and smaller portions...knowing I'm in control and deciding and not feeling deprived works for me.

My body needs lots of cardio...with teaching myself to love running I have noticed such a big difference to the shape of my body...my weight is constant at the moment but I'm still losing cm so appearing smaller...I do wish I'd discovered my love for running back in the days - I would have saved myself so much unhappiness...

Now I have the answers, the tools to the future....I cannot fail...I cannot fail.... I cannot fail!

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My Wedding Day

I want to share with you how I felt on my wedding day from a different angle..

How I felt about my body -

What thoughts were going through my head that day.

My weight when I met Heinz was 74kg's - I weighed a little more than I wanted to but I felt good about myself...Soon after meeting Heinz and deciding to move over to Germany with him I stopped teaching...I had a dance school and worked for one of the biggest fitness gyms in Cape Town where I taught about 2 classes a day at that stage.

Within a month of not teaching I ballooned...my body changed - I was still trying to eat well, get to the gym to do my own training..but still my body expanded so quickly, I gained 10kg's in that first month - the skin on my body was so tight I thought it was going to tear if I bend down or lifted my arm up to scratch my head...it was the weirdest sensation I have ever experienced in my life - it took the skin a while to stretch to keep up with the rate my body expanded...but once it did that sensation went...

By the time I got married my weight was 82kgs...the heaviest I've ever been...at the end of my last pregnancy with my 5kg baby I only weighed 80kg's, so this weight was a shocker to me, yet I felt I had no way of controlling what was going on with my body.

The day before I got married I asked my daughter to please pop into one of the shops that sold *body hugger* panties....I needed something that would hold my stomach in firmly and stop the top of my thighs from rubbing as it was hot in October in Cape Town. I was so embarrassed that I had to ask her to buy me one as I was so busy I didn't have the time, I also asked her to give them to me privately as I didn't want anyone else to see.. these panties in my opinion at the age of 42 were *granny panties* and I didn't want anyone to know I was wearing one of those on my wedding day.

I remember sitting next to Heinz at the reception table, he would put his hand on my thigh, I would move it in a way he wouldn't notice as I didn't want him to feel the tight elastic from the pantie around my legs...I was so aware of it that day.

Then my boobs were huge, I had gone from a 36c to a 38H and asked my sister who took my photo's to please make sure I held the flowers at my breast area before she took pics...so all afternoon I sat with the bunch of flowers breast height trying to hide the size.

It was the most emotional confusing day for me...I was so happy to be marrying the man of my dreams, yet I was so unhappy with the state I found myself in...no one person knew what I was feeling as I put on a brave face, smiled and did what was expected of me, mean while I worrying about the angle the photo's were being taken, would it show my fat arms, did I have a double chin, would you notice my boobs size, did my *granny* pantie show when I sat down, would Heinz feel and ask me *what you wearing?*

When ever I look at my wedding photo's I remember all the emotions from that day...

Thanks for allowing me to share them with you as I've never told anyone any of the above...

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Minute for Madeleine

Minute for Madeleine - View our message - CEOP

Please take a few moments and look at this video

There are no words for the first few minutes

I pray this never happens to anyone again...

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Holloween In Cape Town

I received these photo's from my daughter in law yesterday...

while I'm talking about my amazing daughter in law who made all three outfits for the children and got them all ready on her own...

LOOK AT THAT BODY AFTER 3 CHILDREN!!!!!!

She could go on and have another 3 children it would not change her body

She has the hardest stomach still...not fair...am sure you all agree with me!!

My four year old granddaughter had such fun, she's at the age where she understands what's happening and asked to be dressed as an *uGlY wItCh *

Her other granny told her that no matter how hard she tried she would never be an

*Ugly* witch...

I have to agree with granny on that one.

Then there's my beautiful boy all dressed up as a kitty cat...it suited him so much...

He's 11 months now and made the cutest little kitten..

Kitty Cat - Thumb sucker he is!

Oh man, this photo got to me...

Wanted to get into it and just kiss him all over - he has the cutest little face..

.I love this boy...

I love all my boys, with each one I feel a huge rush of emotions when I see them.

Sorry if I become all gushy...but to me they are too adorable, they're my boy's children and its such an amazing part of life experiencing this new status of being a Nana...

Then...lastly....

My adorable curly haired Sufer dude all dressed up like a clown,

I thought being a clown really suited him.

Look at Sufer Dude's face on this photo...it speaks a million words to me..

I'm told after my daughter in law painted his face and showed him in the mirror..

He burst out crying...poor darling boy. I had to laugh.

My crazy sister...she hosted the Halloween celebration at her home.

My son and his boy...these two have such an loving father and son relationship...

Mommy's boy....

While my children were growing up we never knew the Halloween celebration, it was an American tradition...slowly as it was introduced to us in South Africa a few years ago...many people said it was an *evil* tradition so many South African's took longer to warm up to celebrating Halloween...

Sorry for all the photo's but was unable to only choice a few ....LOL

I'm thrilled my grandchildren are able to enjoy this tradition..

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What my hubby thinks of the new me

Photo's were taken the day before our 5th wedding anniversary,

we attended another South African living in Germany's 30th birthday dinner.

I'm going to ask my hubby to be honest with me and tell me what he really thinks about the new me - the new me that's lost 20 kgs...

I've never been someone to ask anyone ( let alone hubby ) if I look okay, if the clothing I'm wearing to a function looks okay on me, is my hair okay, do I look fat in these pants etc...you get the picture?. I decide and hope to hear the words * You look nice * - if those words don't come then thats also okay...but I never go looking for those words. I suppose I'm too scared to hear what the other person really thinks as I'm so sensitive it would bother me terribly if something negative was said to me.

So up to this day I've never asked hubby what he thinks about the new slimmer me.

So last night in bed I approached the subject...

WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK OF THE NEW ME?

He told me that he loves the new me...that he admires me so much for what I've achieved - he never ever thought I would get it right after watching me attempt this journey a few times in the 5 years we were married.

He also said he never ever thought I was fat...looking back at my pictures he can see I was carrying a little more, but only now, never then.

Sometimes he worries that I might take it too far and get a eating disorder, so he does say things like -* You are skin and bone * but only out of concern, not that he does think I am skin and bone. He says it feels very different to run his hands over my body and feel my bones, my hip bones stick out when I lie down, in the past they were covered in fat.

So what I got from our discussion, was that he loved the new me, and that he was very proud of me and will be there for me to help with my maintaining as he knows that this is my current concern....

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Sunday's Thoughts & Thanks

The photo above I took of my son and my little grandson during my last holiday

The bottom photo was taken earlier this year when I went home,

It was the first time I met my little grandson.

Are they both not cute!!!!!

I love my boys!!

Thanks so much to all of you who left me comments with my last blog entry, it's really good to know I have all your support with my journey of maintaining my weight. Those of you who know me personally know that this has always been an area I've struggled with. Once at my goal weight I'd think *That's It, dieting all done* and start not worrying about what I put in my mouth like I did while dieting ( dieting I've learnt is bad for one )...and before I knew it the weight is back...and sometimes even more that what I started with.

This time I've learnt that it's a *Lifestyle* not a diet...that with the combination of calories, in to calories out and training I can do this....

After all these years I've finally had a the light bulb moment and can now start winning this battle....yes, even at my age it's not to late!

Today I went with hubby to gym...he did his usual thing while I ran for 10kl on the treadmill...I ran 10kl in 1 hour and 6 mins...15 mins before the end I wanted to throw in the towel and walk, but over the last 9 months I've learnt that I'm a lot stronger than I ever imagined...with positive mind talk I can get through any challenge that faces me in life. Such an empowering feeling this gives me.

P. S I'm going to clean out my blog feed reader this week,I'm spending too much time reading blogs and commenting on bloggers who never visit me, I want to spend more quality blog time with those who do make the effort...I've been commenting on some bloggers blogs for 5/6 months now and never even get a *HI* from them...Do you have the same situation??

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Small part of my journey

I thought I'd share some of my *Before* photo's as it reminds me how far I've traveled and keeps me motivated to continue - it also helps me to work towards never regaining the weight.

The photo above was taken on my first trip to London...I remember feeling pretty good at this time...I had lost a bit of my weight I gained when I first moved to Germany - I was 82kg's when I arrived in Germany and at this stage was about 78kg's
Two months later, I was a little thinner... now 76kg's and feeling very happy with myself...the only times I posed for a full body shot photo were the times I felt happy about my weight...So looking at this photo tells me I was happy ( or so I thought )
Looking at these photo's I can't believe I actually allowed myself to get to this stage...

My weight was never constant, if I dieted I got it down to about 72kg's...once I even got it to 69kg's, but only for a week - if I didn't focus on my weight and just *lived* ( as everyone calls it ) my weight would be about 78-80kg's naturally.

I hated the mirror, I hated my body, it looked middle age and menopausal...I even had moments I told myself that this was the new me, a grandmother, I had to just accept it and that there was more to life than being slim and eating correctly, life was about enjoying oneself...but those thoughts never lasted long as I hated feeling the way I did.

I yoyo dieted for over 7 years...never able to keep my weight constant.

I'm now faced with a brand new challenge... keeping my weight down and not regaining it all back...so this is why I blog about this subject, I need to do whatever I can do to keep myself focused on my new eating lifestyle, writing my feelings down and remembering is what I need to help me stay focused, so please bare with me if watching your weight is not an important issue, this can get very boring when you are not on this sort of journey in your personal life I know. I used to get fed up of my thin friends talking about gym, clothing, diets etc, as I was in a different head space - struggling with my own weight and not wanting to bring attention to how I was feeling about myself at the time...if I didn't speak about my unhappiness with my weight then I didn't bring attention to it and so I was hoping they wouldn't notice my weight gain.

I thought about something last night with regards to my weight...I used to feel so old when overweight. I dressed like an older person, my mental state was of an older person...compared to how I'm feeling at the moment. I no longer feel silly getting up and dancing in my lounge when the Black Eyed Peas song * I got the feeling * comes on...

Being slimmer makes me much happier....

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Daughter Update

I took these photo's last year on my daughter's 22nd birthday...
I spoke to Lauryn this afternoon...
Called her as I wanted to hear how her birthday was after the last sms she sent me.
She said she spent the day and evening alone
But is fine today...
She was given an amazing gift from the lady she works for so was on her way out to buy herself a camera and kindle...
I said good bye to her feeling so much happier as she sounded so happy.
Tonight I can sleep well....

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Weekend Once Again

I've just walked in from gym...went a little earlier this morning as I wanted to do the 9am Step class, I noticed last week that the new training program starts today and thought this would be a good time to fall in as everyone will be learning the new routines today. I have'nt attended a step class in years - when I first moved to Germany at tried out the classes available at our gym I noticed they did the same routines week in and week out, for me that was far too boring. As an instructor myself I was challenged to do a new routine each time I taught the same time slot. I notice the gym I go to does the Austrailian Les Mills program...it might suit other people ( German's love routine ) but for me I need something new in each class, so really going to give this a try and go next Friday as I think going to the class can also open the door to making new friends, and I need to work on this area if I'm going to be living here long term.

My poor child didn't have a good birthday yesterday....I had a skype chat to her and she mentioned she was going for lunch and that a few friends were coming around for the evening. The lady she works for has a daughter of 20, who has introduced Lauryn to many of her friends. As yesterday was her day off she slept in late, showered, chatted to me and got ready to meet her friend for lunch...only to get a call from the girl to say she was ill and had just come back from the Doctors...So that also meant the evening's arrangements were also cancelled...so she went to the video shop and got a DVD to watch in her apartment. When I got a sms from her saying this was her worst birthday as she was so lonely and how much she wished she was back home in Cape Town with family...MY HEART BROKE. I couldn't sleep last night, I kept on praying that at some point someone there would remember it was her birthday and make it a good one for her.....I'm still to hear if anything good happened as I'm 6 hours ahead of her...How could they not have made her day special for her, knowing she was away from her family...this gets to me.

Tonight being Friday I have a glass of wine or two...back in South Africa we have this low calorie wine which is half the point value of a normal 100ml glass of wine...I have searched high and low in Germany for something similar, but nothing...so I limit myself to 2 glasses max...Friday nights we do our grocery shopping, then settle in after dinner and listen to music channels....I have to make sure I watch my points during the day on a Friday as I have to leave 2 points for my Friday *treat* - can I call it a treat when I dont even enjoy the taste that much....LOL...

So far we have no plans for this weekend, Heinz wants to mow the lawn for the last time before winter, so sure we'll get out a bit, hubby has noticed getting me out over the weekend puts me in a happy mood....and he likes a happy wifie around!!

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My Baby Turns 23

It's my baby's 23rd birthday today....

where did the time go?...

It feels like I gave birth to her yesterday!

Lauryn is the aupair for this little girl in Virgina and Cape Town

Lauryn with her first baby
Lucky
The puppy she rescued from teens selling her for drug money.
This puppy changed my daughters life and we had to go through such a sad time when she had to find a new home for Lucky when she got this aupairing job..

Lauryn was my 10lb baby ( 5kg )

She was the biggest baby up to that date that was born in the hospital where I had her in Cape Town.

She was the most adorable little one

She loved dancing

She was bright at school

She was so entertaining

Her teen years where our most difficult years with her..

But now - she has put her life together and has such a bright future ahead of her.

I love her to bits...

She is my baby.

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Blogger Award

Thank you so much to a very kind blogger Tammy from Fit and Fab who nominated my blog for the above award, *I love your blog as well*...

I'm so enjoying these awards that are going around and really get so much pleasure from receiving them...thanks again Tammy.

Now I have to nominate 7 other bloggers for this award..so here goes.

Steffi - my German blogger friend who makes my granddaughter the most beautiful dresses.

Fran - my Dutch blogger friend whom I'm hoping to met and have a run with in the future.

Cessie - my first Dutch blogger friend who I met in person, she now lives in China.

Kathy - A South African who lives in Germany, had the pleasure of spending a weekend with her and her family.

Tigerlilly - A blogger on such an exciting weightloss journey, she inspires me.

Corey - The best photographer and story teller rolled into one. She's the best in blogworld.

Avril - A friend in South Africa who shares her life with her grandchildren which I relate to.

I love so many of you other bloggers, how can they make me pin point only 7, doesnt seem right....but I know many of you have received this award already and want to share it with bloggers who are not in the Weighloss circle ....

I have one male blogger I have to mention ...he and I enjoy many *giggles* together...

Firefly

Love your visits and comments - I'm always left feeling uplifted after you've visited...thank so much for that...

Anyone wanting to learn more about South Africa - this is the blog to read.

Now I have to mention 6 things about me that you don't already know.

1. I've had 5 different surnames in my 47 years

2. I gave birth to a 10lb ( 5kg ) baby girl 23 years ago tomorrow ( 29th October )

3. I took a group of women over to USA for the World Aerobic Championships where we won a gold medal.

4. I attended a catholic convent school most of my life

5. I'm a qualified Johnny G spinning instructor but hate cycling outdoors.

6. My two grandpa's have touched my life more than any other person I know. I wish they were still around - they were the two men I loved with all my heart.

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Finally...Me & My New Boots

This photo was taken on Saturday morning....

Here I'm wearing my new brown boots, they have a heel...
This was taken on Sunday morning at the hotel in Frankfurt...
Here I'm in my flat black boots...

As I mentioned in my other blog entry...this is the first time ever I've been able to buy boots, in the past I could never get the zip closed as my calves are very big and had lots of fat over the muscle, as now that I've lost 20 kgs I'm able to get the zip closed...How excited am I!

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5 Years Captured For Memories

I asked Heinz to take a photo of us while walking around the zoo yesterday...

I had to have a photo for my memories of us together on our special day as so many of our past anniversary's I've been in Cape Town on holiday and Heinz in Germany, so far we've only spent two anniversary's together...

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Thoughts....

It's Monday morning in Germany, a lovely 8 degrees outside as I sit down to do this entry.
I look out the window and wonder if I should take the car and drive to the gym that's 4 kl away, walk ( never walked to gym before ), or go for a 8kl run outdoors.

Last week I had a goal - I wanted to save 2 points per day from my daily allowed points for last weekend, my anniversary weekend - I'm sitting here wondering what goals I can set out for myself this coming week. If I don't have any goals set out I'm wondering if I'll even get myself to gym...( am struggling to get going this morning )

I'm going to be working on my 2010 Photo diary today and tomorrow. The company I use, Photobox in the UK, has a special running which finishes tomorrow...Buy one, get one free...I want to do one for myself and the free one for my daughter in Cape Town. Of course her diary will look different to mine. Mine will be filled with photo's of all my family members and her's of her little adorable boy!

My baby turns 23 this week. She's in Charlottesville, Virgina, USA working as an aupair for a stunning family. It's her first birthday out of her home country, and her 3rd birthday away from me. I'm really hoping the host family do something very exciting for her...she would love to visit New York...but not sure if that wish is going to come true for her.

I'm keen to experiment in the kitchen - I have a hubby who dislikes spicy foods, he loves dinners to be plain...but I'm bored and mentioned to him that I need to make dinner time more exciting for me. I need something to think about during the day....

*WHAT AM I GOING TO COOK FOR DINNER TO NIGHT* and then go through sites or books and find something new to try out. I hate inviting people for dinner as I know my cooking is shocking and can't put anyone through my meals...whenever we invite people over, we braai - it takes all the pressure off me. I've had enough of that now, i want to improve my cooking skills and think it will give me something to do and work towards...I love going through the WW cooking sites and reading the bloggers cooking tips, now have to start putting everything into practise.

Heinz and I have decided to stay home for Xmas day, we were thinking of going away, but instead we thought it would be nicer for us to go to Berlin over New Year...join in the big party they have there as back home it's just the two of us lightening a few firework crackers and sitting in front of the tv.....I think its going to be much better getting away for New Year...Party baby!!!!

The photo's with this entry I took at the Opel-Zoo in Frankfurt yesterday. It was such a good day, emotionally a good one for me as I mentioned, it lifted my spirit and removed the anger feeling's I've had for the last two weeks - I've been so down in the dumps - but by now you would think I would be prepared for the after holiday blues as I've been experiencing this for the last 5 years - yet each time I leave for my holiday feeling that Germany is home and in such a good place I can't imagine returning and being down...come home, am happy to be surrounded by my own things again, my own bed...then BANG...it hits me...depression!!!

It's 10 am and I'm still sitting in front of my laptop...I need to get to gym and have a workout...then this evening am teaching a class to my ladies as this Thursday the hall is not available.

Let me get out of here...HAVE A GREAT WEEK...

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Today Is Our 5th Wedding anniversary

All the photo's in this entry were taken at the Opel-Zoo this morning while walking around.

Note how many silver & black cars there are parked here....

Firstly, we woke up this morning to a time change, we gained one hour with daylight saving - this means I'm now one hour behind everyone back home in South Africa.... secondly woke in a strange bed...we'd slept over in a hotel in Frankfurt as we attended a 30th birthday dinner of another South African friend.

What I love most about sleeping over at hotels are the breakfast's in the mornings.. we were not dissapointed...I decided on two bowls of cereals, nuts, fruits and yogurt above the scrambled eggs, toasts etc. I think my breakfast added up to about 10 WW points - whereas at home I normally eat a 3./4 point breakfast...but as it was my anniversary and I'd planned all of last week for this day, I decided to enjoy and not think about the number of points.

Last night while in the taxi from hotel to the resturant we saw a zoo along the way, which we'd never seen or heard of before. I asked Heinz if we could pop around to the zoo instead of rushing back home after breakfast as it was such a lovely warm autumns day out. He said he would take me there...as it was my anniversary....LOL.

Germany is looking so beautiful at the moment, I don't get to really enjoy the beauty as I drive to the gym and back home everyday - this weekend driving down the autobarn and seeing how beautiful the autumn trees are at this time really lifted my spirit, I kept on saying to Heinz * oh my word, what a beautiful world we live in,.....Look at that tree, look at how beautiful that hill looks * and so I went on and on for the hours drive there and back...like a stuck record!!

I've been home two weeks today...I'm going to be totally honest with you all...I've struggled getting back into my life here after the time with family...I've been in a bad space, and have been so angry. Poor Heinz has had to deal with the brunt of my anger...it's as if I'm angry with him for me being in this situation. Driving home after the few hours at the zoo, I felt the anger leave my body...I came home feeling so much better. What does this tell me...I HAVE TO GET OUT MORE, I cant sit at home day in and day out, no matter what the weather outside...

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Finally Available In Germany

Firstly I have to say...I LOVE BUTTERNUT...

When I first arrived in Germany there was no butternut available anywhere that I could see - I really missed it as it's my best veggie ever...slowly over time we found butternut at a few shops at this time of the year,also at the outdoor fruit and veg markets and then later I found a shop in Fulda that imports butternut, so it has became more available thankfully.

When I arrived back from holiday and did my first grocery shopping to stock up on my foods I noticed that the shop had butternut - I got so excited I bought LOTS... I can easily eat about two butternuts a week - Am wondering if you get butternut in USA?? I know you get it in UK...and wondering if this is the *yellow squash* some blogger blogged about today that was a bad carb as on Weight Watchers butternut has NO point value so I'm free to eat and enjoy without feeling guilty.

Weight Journey Update

This morning my weight reached it's lowest ever in 15 years...60.9kgs,

I've finally broken into the 60's.

60 kgs is my goal weight, once I get there I start the 6 week program on maintaining...I did do the maintaining program while on holiday, but now have set a new goal for myself since returning from holiday. I'll start maintaining from scratch when at this new goal.

I did while in South Africa collected the maintaining program from WW as needed it in English, where I also was given my lifetime membership key.

This week I really workout hard at the gym, did loads of cardio and some weights...at the moment getting out to gym is my only excitement for the day...Today I ran for one hour on the treadmill and did 8.6kl...

Weekend

It's Heinz and my 5th wedding annivesary as I've mentioned a few times...so have been planning for this the whole week....have dropped my points allowed from 20 a day to 18...so now have points to play with ( could also be the reason my weight came down )...am going to try get in a 30 mins cycle tomorrow morning before we head off to Frankfurt as that will give me an extra 8 points for Saturday evening as I want to keep the 12 extra points for my big anniversary brunch on Sunday...

Knowing myself - I am sure I won't even go into those extra points...but mentally I know they there so can relax and enjoy myself.

Have a good weekend everyone.

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2010 Diary

While on holiday in Cape Town I bought a Fair Lady magazine and saw they were promoting their 2010 free diary in the next issue.
To my dissapointment the magazine was due out the day after I left South Africa.
I loved the look of the 2010 diary compared to the one I have from Fair Lady for this year.

My dear friend Roxy offered to buy the magazine and post it to me after I told her my sob story - Yesterday she sent me a message saying she's bought the magazine with the diary inside for me...Yahoooo...am so excited. I usually have two diaries a year... I carry a small version in my handbag then have a bigger one (photo diary by photobox )in my bedroom. I update them both daily, I know that's double the work, but hey, I have the time!!! I've kept a diary since I was in my teens...I love looking back at my old diaries as I have kept many of them, some still in storage back in Cape Town. There are things I did or saw that I've already forgotten about and reading old diaries reminds me of those *good old days *. Some of the memories of course I would prefer not to remember!!

Do you keep a diary?

I suppose thats one of the reason's blogging daily came so easily for me....its just another way of keeping a journal..I've tried to encourage so many of my family members and friends to start their own blog, but they cant imagine the thought...most dont even read my blog as its something they dont think about...most of them have never kept a diary, so thats why I'm wondering if diary keepers find blogging so much easier.

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Anniversary Blog Design

As it's our 5th wedding anniversay this Sunday, I've changed the theme of my blog layout - for now, pink hearts for LOVE - I love all kinds of celebrations...as you can see..LOL

Heinz and I met on a dating site over 5 years ago...my story on how we met are hidden in the archives...take a peep if you interested.
http://marchellos-livingaway.blogspot.com/2006/09/how-i-met-heinz.html

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Planning Ahead

The photo's above were taken by myself while on holiday with my family in Cape Town, we had an attempted photo shoot...not so easy when you have three little monkey's - The photo's tell their own story....

Last night I had a webcam chat with them, the first time I've seen them since I left Cape Town over 2 weeks ago. There is always great excitement whenever they know we going to see each other on the computer...the bigger two hang on the table both trying to get as close as possible to the computer screen. I always start my chat with blowing them kisses and love it when my little grandson blows them back at me, its too cute. I really miss them but am so grateful for skype as in the days gone by this would not have been possible. I do feel for families who lived apart back then. Today it's so much easier and I make sure I keep remembering that when the longing for them gets a hold of my emotions.

As most of you know I'm on the Weight Watchers eating plan - its been the best thing I've done as after years of yoyo dieting on very crash diet around and never losing long term I've found something that works for me...it's a plan I can live with long term as there is nothing I have had to give up.

What I like about this plan is how I can plan ahead...for example, this weekend we have one where I'm going to be doing more drinking and eating than I would usually do on a weekend - so now instead of eating all of my 20 points daily this week, I'm keeping it to 18 points a day, this way I will have 12 points plus my 20 a day for the weekend. If I find I don't need it then that's even better, but I want to be prepared. Nothing worse than climbing on the scale on Monday mornings and seeing a gain. I hate that....

I was asked if I stil want to lose weight...yes...1.8kgs, want to get to 60kg's ( 132lbs ) then will start maintaining. I've been giving the maintaining program as when I reached 62kg's I thought I'd be happy there and did do the maintaining program for 2 months...but now with winter around the corner, I know one eats a bit more than in warmer weather, so want to have those 2 kg's to play with...my goal is to be 2kgs lighter by the time we go away over Xmas time so I can eat and not worry too much and of course...drink gluwein!!

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Sufer Dude And Dad At Bath Time

While on holiday with my family I got to witness the *good* chaos in my son and daughter in law's home at bath time...they have three little monkey's to bath at the end of each day all under the age of 5, is not an easy task...or so I witnessed. They have bath time worked out like a well oiled chorographed dance routine. Each knows where they have to be and when. It was amazing to watch....

The day I took these photo's was *washing hair day* for sufer dude...I had to share the experience with you all..

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Boots/weight update

Here are pictures of the one pair of boots I bought on Saturday...I'll take pics of me wearing them or the other pair next weekend as I will be going to Frankfurt so am sure to have them on!!

Monday is weigh in day for me...Lost .6kgs (1.3lbs) this week

Starting weight - 82kgs ( 180.8lbs )

Current weight - 61.7kgs ( 136lbs )

Total lost = 20.3kgs (44 lbs)

My goal for this week is to do lots of cardio at gym - save two points per day as this weekend is going to be an eating and drinking weekend - we attending a 30th birthday party and Sunday is my 5th wedding anniversary.

So planning ahead.

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