I Found My Answer

I loved last summer..

It was the first summer in about 6 years where I could wear summer clothing that showed off my arms, legs and chest area and not worry about how uncomfortable I felt having my body so exposed.

Heinz tried to get me moving by buying me a bike, getting me to ride with him after work during the week and weekends...I hated cycling...okay, once or twice I enjoyed it,but on the whole I'm not a cyclist, I'm far too nervous and fearful about falling off.

Now saying this...can you believe I'm a trained Spinning Instructor!! I was trained by Johnny G the inventor of spinning when he came to South Africa to introduce this new gym class to us all. Give me a stationary bike any day!!!
I've never been a closet, or a late night eater, or someone with very extreme bad eating habits. I've never eaten lots of take aways, ( once a week at the most )I've never kept biscuits, sweets etc in my house, I might have 2 glasses of wine in a whole week - so why did I gain so much weight...I needed to know the answer to these questions, if I don't know the answers how am I going to make sure I never go there again in the future.

Now with the weight being off, what have the changes been for me?...

My portion sizes are smaller. Is the first thing that comes to mind.

For example I used to fill my breakfast bowl with cereal - right to the top and fill it with yogurt from a big tub...

Now, I weight 30 g of breakfast cereal and have it with 125g yogurt.

Lunch has always been a sandwich...

My choice of bread has changed...no more white bread...no butter...otherwise still the same..

2 slices of wholewheat bread with 2 WW chicken slices - lettuce, tomato,cucumber and a little drop of balsamic dressing.

My snacks are now fruit, rice cake or quark (only found in Germany ) In the past my snacks were nuts - and once i started I could not stop...so now don't eat nuts.

Dinner has always been chicken, Salmon, Tuna or Turkey as I don't eat read meat - We always had salad with our dinner, and this has continued and at dinner time I make two vegetable's...no white sauce or anything fattening on top. Have never fried my foods, never made chips in oil...always grilled my meat and boiled potato's.

So the problem lay, where????

When we had barbeque's I'd over eat on the puddings, chips, nuts, ice creams - but we didn't barbecue that often for it to make such a big difference to my weight...makes no sense to me...* hmmmmmmmmmm...*

I have the answer....found it while looking into this area of my life.

The difference has been smaller portions and EXERCISE

I never trained regularly when I moved to Germany, I'd train for a whole two weeks then stop, I'd train a few days, then stop, that's how it went for me...since starting this journey I have trained 6x a week...and will cycle indoors at home if I know I'm unable to get to gym that day due to something that comes up - I'll get up an hour earlier and do my daily workout then start my day...I know for me - exercise is what got the weight off with controlling my portion sizes and making better choices, this combination is the answer for me.

I go to tea party's and still eat cake, now I make sure I have only a quarter of the slice that's been cut, a slice that I would usually eat...I don't ever feel deprived...I look at the foods and then make my choices..if there are 4 bad foods I like, I will only have two of them and smaller portions...knowing I'm in control and deciding and not feeling deprived works for me.

My body needs lots of cardio...with teaching myself to love running I have noticed such a big difference to the shape of my body...my weight is constant at the moment but I'm still losing cm so appearing smaller...I do wish I'd discovered my love for running back in the days - I would have saved myself so much unhappiness...

Now I have the answers, the tools to the future....I cannot fail...I cannot fail.... I cannot fail!

~ Thanks for visiting my blog ~

My Wedding Day

I want to share with you how I felt on my wedding day from a different angle..

How I felt about my body -

What thoughts were going through my head that day.

My weight when I met Heinz was 74kg's - I weighed a little more than I wanted to but I felt good about myself...Soon after meeting Heinz and deciding to move over to Germany with him I stopped teaching...I had a dance school and worked for one of the biggest fitness gyms in Cape Town where I taught about 2 classes a day at that stage.

Within a month of not teaching I ballooned...my body changed - I was still trying to eat well, get to the gym to do my own training..but still my body expanded so quickly, I gained 10kg's in that first month - the skin on my body was so tight I thought it was going to tear if I bend down or lifted my arm up to scratch my head...it was the weirdest sensation I have ever experienced in my life - it took the skin a while to stretch to keep up with the rate my body expanded...but once it did that sensation went...

By the time I got married my weight was 82kgs...the heaviest I've ever been...at the end of my last pregnancy with my 5kg baby I only weighed 80kg's, so this weight was a shocker to me, yet I felt I had no way of controlling what was going on with my body.

The day before I got married I asked my daughter to please pop into one of the shops that sold *body hugger* panties....I needed something that would hold my stomach in firmly and stop the top of my thighs from rubbing as it was hot in October in Cape Town. I was so embarrassed that I had to ask her to buy me one as I was so busy I didn't have the time, I also asked her to give them to me privately as I didn't want anyone else to see.. these panties in my opinion at the age of 42 were *granny panties* and I didn't want anyone to know I was wearing one of those on my wedding day.

I remember sitting next to Heinz at the reception table, he would put his hand on my thigh, I would move it in a way he wouldn't notice as I didn't want him to feel the tight elastic from the pantie around my legs...I was so aware of it that day.

Then my boobs were huge, I had gone from a 36c to a 38H and asked my sister who took my photo's to please make sure I held the flowers at my breast area before she took pics...so all afternoon I sat with the bunch of flowers breast height trying to hide the size.

It was the most emotional confusing day for me...I was so happy to be marrying the man of my dreams, yet I was so unhappy with the state I found myself in...no one person knew what I was feeling as I put on a brave face, smiled and did what was expected of me, mean while I worrying about the angle the photo's were being taken, would it show my fat arms, did I have a double chin, would you notice my boobs size, did my *granny* pantie show when I sat down, would Heinz feel and ask me *what you wearing?*

When ever I look at my wedding photo's I remember all the emotions from that day...

Thanks for allowing me to share them with you as I've never told anyone any of the above...

~ Thanks for visiting my blog ~